On the heels of the revelation that President Donald Trump met with Russian President Vladamir Putin privately for an hour at the G20 Summit in Germany last month, details of the meeting are emerging from The White House as the questions continue to pile up for the beleaguered American president.
The Trump International Summer Camp for Confused Adolescents
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer explained to reporters in an off-camera briefing earlier today Trump and Putin’s first meeting actually occurred six decades ago when the two future world leaders attended the same summer camp. “This was the summer of 1968. Mr. Trump was working as a counselor at one of his first businesses, Trump International Summer Camp for Confused Adolescents, and Mr. Putin was one of many confused yet undeniably masculine campers,” Spicer explained.
“A few weeks ago, President Trump was going through some old photos at Mar a Lago and he came across a photo of who he now recognizes as Mr. Putin. The purpose of the secret meeting at the G20 was to relive those memories and become reacquainted with one another as men.”
Spicer declined to release the photo, but several online news outlets did manage to obtain the historic picture. The photo depicts both men shirtless and seemingly engaged in some activity taking place outside the view of the camera. Spicer explained Putin often conducted rigorous workout sessions in his cabin late at night and Trump decided to open himself up to the possibility of working up a sweat.
Just Another “Nothing Burger”
“Mr. Trump and Mr. Putin discovered a smooth working relationship during their often-confusing formative years. Like many campers at Trump International Summer Camp for Confused Adolescents, the two men developed a give-and-take relationship that each would carry with them for decades,” Spicer said. “To imply there is anything inappropriate about the summer camp incident and the subsequent private secret meetings in Germany last month is absurd. The whole thing is just a big nothing-burger.”
The Trump International Summer Camp for Confused Adolescents was bought out by the General Engineering Department within the Ministry of Internal and Foreign Trade of the USSR in 1977 and has been a key weapons factory for the Russian government ever since. When asked about yet another Trump-Russia connection, Spicer slowly extended a middle finger and said, “How about you go fuck off- and you can quote me on that.”
When pressed by reporters as to who took the photo, Spicer initially said he wasn’t sure but he understands it was either a translator or perhaps a young Steve Bannon. The embattled Press Secretary then reiterated the entire incident was not worthy of media attention, called the reporters in the White House Briefing Room “a bunch of d-bags”, and abruptly ended the briefing.
President Trump took brief questions as he prepared to board Air Force One after a “Made in America Week” event held at the Huajian International Shoe City Co. of Ganzhou, China, where his daughter Ivanka’s shoes are manufactured. When asked about any recollection of the encounter with Putin over five decades ago, Trump seemed to look away for a moment before smiling and giving his response.
“One word. Huge.”
Disclaimer: This article is satire. This did not actually happen. Or maybe it did. Who the hell knows what to believe anymore?