Friday Night Texts: “You Are Not The Father” Edition

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Last night, I was catching up on some work and minding my own business when a text message popped up from somebody I had never heard of, who proceeded to lead off the conversation with the words:

“I’m pregnant”

There aren’t too many things you can text me that will get me to stop in my tracks and devote my undivided attention, but informing me that you’re carrying my unborn child generally ranks pretty high on the short list. 

Before we go any further, let’s get a couple of pertinent details out of the way.

  1. I had no clue who this person was, for obvious reasons that will be made clear as you read through.
  2. There was no possible way her text could have been accurate for multiple reasons.
    • First, the only person who could have even theoretically sent me those words is my wife.
    • Second, after fathering two children in fourteen months to start our family, let’s just say measures were taken to make sure I wasn’t getting the hat trick.

With those disclaimers out of the way, I give you the highly entertaining exchange with “Sarah”, the mother of my non-existent unborn child. Enjoy.
maury povich not the fathermaury povich not the fathermaury povich not the fathermaury povich not the fathermaury povich not the fathermaury povich not the fathermaury povich not the father keshamaury povich not the fatherThankfully, we’ve agreed to keep in touch, so I won’t miss out on all of those non-moments that my non-child won’t ever have. We are also planning on registering at Toys ‘R Us.

A passionate communicator, advocate, and opinion maker with executive-level experience in law, public policy, and government. (Don't let the boyish good looks fool you.) President of Perpetual Fortitude, a Pennsylvania-based political consulting and social media management firm. (www.perpetualfortitude.com)

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