Dispatches from the Second American Civil War: “I haven’t laid my lips upon a Coke Zero in nearly four days. These are indeed the times that try men’s souls.”

Since noted conspiratorial idiot Alex Jones from Infowars is telling everyone about the Second American Civil War the Democrats are planning for July 4, which is obviously totally true, we thought we’d start publishing some of the letters from the front.

Here’s Alex Jones with his head inserted in his posterior:

BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th https://t.co/38AWiUFaag

— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) July 1, 2018

Please, keep these brave patriots in your prayers as they fight for freedom during these horrific times.